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GARY NICHOLS
Florida Baptist Convention
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Florida Baptists can be thankful that Amendment 2, the Florida Marriage Protection Amendment, has passed.
Now what?
A constitutional amendment will not, in and of itself, strengthen marriages and families. Marriages in 2008, both new and established, must survive in the divorce culture that exists today. That culture also is prevalent in the church as Christian couples divorce at a rate comparable to nonbelievers and see their own adult children cohabitate with others.
Now what? Now is the time for Florida Baptist churches to cultivate God’s view, the biblical plan for marriage and family.
The outpouring of support for Amendment 2 affords an opportunity for pastors and lay leaders to take a strong stand on marriage by affirming the institution of marriage, teaching the benefits of marriage and strengthening marriage by making disciples who know and appreciate God’s Word on marriage and family.
Here are some steps:
1) Begin premarital education.
First Southern Baptist Church of Del City, Okla., under the leadership of then-pastor Tom Elliff, reported a nearly 100 percent success rate for couples married in that church. The Discipleship and Family Department obtained permission to distribute Elliff’s premarital counseling materials, based on The Seven Pillars of a Kingdom Family. That material is available at no cost on CD by emailing D&F@FLBaptist.org, or calling the office at 800-226-8584, ext. 3067 or 3070.
Anastasia Baptist Church in St. Augustine uses their deacons to teach the Prepare materials (www.prepare-enrich.com) for premarital counseling.
2) Adopt marriage and wedding policies for the church.
Wedding policies dictate acceptable music, attire and behavior for weddings, as well as the surrounding events conducted at the church. Marriage policies indicate the church, not only the pastor, takes marriage seriously. A church marriage policy states the church will invest time and energy into guaranteeing, by the grace of God, the success of every marriage. Affirming marriage in word and deed cultivates an atmosphere of success.
3) Provide newlywed couples with discipleship for spiritual growth and skill development for relationship growth.
Biblically based life skills include communication, problem solving, conflict resolution and financial management.
When faced with the reality of a high divorce rate among members, First Baptist Church in Windermere began marriage mentoring, said Gail Hatmaker, adult ministry coordinator.
Many couples will not go to a counselor. Research shows marriage mentoring helps couples through enrichment, problem solving and crisis management. Mentoring shows couples if they hang in there, they can resolve their issues, Hatmaker said. Mentoring throws out a lifeline when they may be ready to throw in the towel.
In this process, church leaders enlisted potential mentor couples who had been married at least 15 years and who agreed to participate in all training sessions to mentoring a couple for at least one year.
The church also found success in using Focus on the Family’s Apples of Gold, a six-week small group discipleship study in which older women mentor younger women.
Marriage mentoring also eased Pastor Mark Matheson’s counseling load, Hatmaker added.
4) Encourage parents to be sensitive to teachable moments and have meaningful, age-appropriate conversations with their children about God’s plan for marriage and family.
Discussion of Amendment 2 can facilitate conversation on what the Bible says about homosexuality, grace and forgiveness.
Children need assurances from parents that their marriage and family will endure for life. Seeing the marriages of their friend’s parents dissolve, children from Christian homes need guarantees that their own parents are committed to Biblical marriage for life.
A key to parents’ coaching a godly lifestyle is conversation. At least half of any conversation is listening. Children need to see Mom and Dad talking and praying together. Children need to know their home is a safe, nurturing place.
Churches can equip parents to develop a lifestyle of worship through family devotions, Bible studies, family and corporate worship. Mothers and fathers can identify when God is at work in the life of their family and remind their children that God illustrates His love through creation, family and church family. Parents model life choices in the way they relate to family and others, modeling God’s grace in the little things.
5) Families need the assurance that the church is a partner in ministry. The church facilitates the role of parents in disciple making, a resource for spiritual energy in the home. Parents need to have confidence to lead their children to faith in Jesus Christ.
The Discipleship and Family Department has compiled numerous resources to strengthen marriages and families. Free downloadable materials are available from www.flbaptist.org/family. Resources include discipleship helps for premarital education, strengthening marriages, parenting, Christian sex education, family worship, stepfamilies and much more. In addition, department offers a list of resources for pastors who are counseling families. That is downloadable at www.flbaptist.org/family.
Gary Nichols is an associate in the Discipleship and Family Department, Florida Baptist Convention